so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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