genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
