What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
