the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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