Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
