After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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