Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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