dude i'm inner monologue high
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
