Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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