my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
