When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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