True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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