I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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