does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
