shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You've changed since you got that strap on
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
