Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
