My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
