go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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