Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
