can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
