1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
