I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
