oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
