I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
