You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
