I CAN MOONWALK!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
