Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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