she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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