I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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