Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
