Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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