I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
PANTIES FOUND
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
