i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
