Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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