That's intense
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
