I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
