the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
