i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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