Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
