First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
