I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
