More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
