Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
