i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
