I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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