kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
