You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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