I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
