Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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