Just mADE A PArabola og urine
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
