just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
