I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk is not a location!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
