Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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